• I would be able to pick apples off trees with my mouth.
• I wouldn’t have to worry about finding a job.
• I would live in a zoo and people would love me.
• My skin would no longer be white.
• I would be contained with a bunch of other giraffes in an enclosed zoo area.
• Zookeepers and animal vets would control my mating habits.
• I would be taller than I am right now.
• I wouldn’t need to wear shoes.
• I wouldn’t think giraffe skin purses, wallets, or skirts were cool.
• I would have big eyes.
• I would look funny in a purple shirt.
• I wouldn’t be able to type on my MacBook Pro.
• I would never need to worry about clogging a toilet again.
• I would lose all my pen pals because I wouldn’t know how to write with paper and pen anymore.
I think it’s good that I’m a human. Even though I may have had a stressful few weeks and I’ve cried more than necessary, I’m pretty glad I don’t have to poop in a cage where people watched me and pointed at me all day. I suppose giraffes in zoos are a bit like celebrities. Some of us like to go to zoos and point at the animals and say “Awww” and “Wow.” Some of us also like to read celebrity magazines and know what’s going on in their rich lives. I feel kind of bad for partaking in zoos and celebrity gossip… Here goes: I promise to stay away from a zoo and celebrity gossip for one day (that is unless I read something on facebook). One day of privacy will do the zoo animals and celebrities good.
Until next time.