Black Friday is dead.

Has anyone noticed that Black Friday has lost its significance? Is this because it was at last proved that it was somehow racist or colorist or something to that effect? If so, I think that could have been fixed. We could have renamed it “Spend all your money day,” “Rainy Day Splurge,” or “Empty the Bank Account Day,” but to continue to call it Black Friday is just weird.

You don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, did you know that Black Friday shopping deals started at 8 PM Thursday at some of your favorite chain stores? What? I hear your confusion. It makes no sense. Black Friday comes on a very specific day, Friday, but now Black Friday is happening “all week long” at Target or for THREE full days at Cost Plus World Market. It’s madness. Black Friday is supposed to be the bomb. It is supposed to be that awesome, crazy day of shopping after a day of overeating dead fowl and squash pie. But now it is a name without any meaning. Now it is a movement towards consumerism and buying junk you don’t need. What has happened to the sanctity of this beloved shopping day? Let us all take a moment of silence to reflect on the passing of this sacred holiday.

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