You’re at a dinner party. Someone told a joke a few minutes ago that got people laughing for a full minute and a half. The laughter has died down and now it’s getting awkward. Someone pipes in with a question: “Would you ever eat a person? You know – if you were starving and you had to eat someone to survive?” You look down at your plate and move the meat parts around with your fork. Then you look up at the question asker. In your head, you ask, “Is this guy hungry or something? Does he want to eat me?” But then your boyfriend answers that he’s thought about it a lot and he thinks he would do it if he were in the desert and had started to hallucinate and everything, but not if he were in the woods or something because, he claimed, there is always food available in the woods. You look back down at your plate as the conversation continues. One of the girls across the table asks who you would eat first from this, your group of friends. You feel a little bit of bile come up into your mouth and you grab for your glass of water. Cannibalism discussion at a dinner party? Never a good idea.
I have been a part of many cannibalism discussions. It started with my cousin Casey’s impersonation of Will Ferrell’s impersonation of Harry Carry.
It’s a good question: if you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? My answer is simple: probably not as I don’t particularly like hot dogs. Now if I were a cheeseburger, the answer might be different. But as a kid, I never ate hot dog OR hamburger buns because my last name was Bunn and eating a bun felt like cannibalism so… either I was insane as a child or slightly quirky and opposed to cannibalism.
This past week @NatGeoChannel shared an article about Jamestown cannibals. There have been five historical accounts suggesting cannibalism in Jamestown, but now they have the physical evidence of science to prove it. What, pray tell, proves this? Well, they found the skull of a fourteen-year-old girl.
They’re calling her Jane and according Doug Owsley, “They were clearly interested in cheek meat, muscles of the face, tongue and brain.” But they let her keep her hair. That’s crazy! Eat her face off, literally, but make sure her hair looks good. I’m sort of grossed out by this info. It’s not ok to eat the face off of a fourteen-year-old girl. Vampires aren’t even that vicious. But, I suppose, we’ve always known that we humans were complete freakazoids!
Tata for now.