#bigbrotherbama is listening

There’s a reason I write in my journals so much: I don’t want other people to read them. A few years ago, when my brother Shane first talked to my mom and I about how the government could have access to our text messages, I started sending bewildering nothing texts with Middle Eastern treasures and random times just to spite big brother. But today, I have to admit, I’m irritated by the nonsensical monitoring of emails, text messages, and phone calls by the NSA. I just imagine the office NSA agents hang out in. It’s a gigantic phone call center with cubicles. The agents sit there and gather data and information from “potential threats.” What threats are they looking for? We’re trying to seek out the terrorists before they strike. How much money are they using to try to fend off the terrorists that they should be using in our schools, educating our nation’s children? A substitute teacher in Idaho gets $70 a day pre-tax for educating children for a full-day. And how much are the feds spending every day to hunt down terrorists?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like the bad guys. I don’t want terrorists to come in and hurt our country any more than they already have, but quite frankly, I don’t think the NSA knows what they’re doing.

Do you remember the time when you could walk with your friends to the gate of the plane before boarding? These are the days of Home Alone, when you could be late for your plane and run all the way to the gate and still fly. That all ended after 9/11, when the TSA was formed to check everybody who went on planes. And then you started to get those fancy “I-see-you-in-your-panties” machines that totally ruin individuals self-esteem and you get the jerks who run the machines who save images to show when they play beer pong with their buddies. This is total crap. I’ve gone through security a time or two and have seen TSA agents messing around, not working. And they’re getting paid by MY taxes. Why can’t my taxes go to a teacher whose ultimate impact on my nation and my nation’s children is more effective? Honestly.

I think Obama is screwing things up. I voted for him twice, hoping that the idealism and awesomeness I saw in him before would shine through, but in the past six months, since he swore in for his second term, I’ve only seen screw-ups and I’m disappointed. Rather than hearing his useless excuse speeches on the news, I started to turn to my favorite NBC shows for the truth of what was going on: Saturday Night Live and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Here’s what Jimmy’s Obama said about the text-messaging bit with Verizon.

I laughed my tush off when I watched this. This is honestly what I imagine those monitors doing when they see something stupid in a conversation. It’s comedy, and if I were the one monitoring, I would totally document the stupidity in my blog or stories, but in fairness, I would know that I was stealing something semi-sacred from those texters. How many of you will allow your friends to read your texts while you’re out at Happy Hour? Not many. Unless it’s something ridiculous that made you laugh out loud, you don’t tell people about your message. It’s your message, not theirs.

I don’t believe “no one is listening” like Obama said. I think the have a computer system set up to find things and that occasionally a worker changes the settings to look for funny words like “cheesecake” so he can see what people are texting about cheesecake before he goes out to eat and then he reads them. I’m not a huge conspiracy theorist or anything, but I have read enough dystopian literature to know that big brother doesn’t need to be reading my text messages. So now, just to spite that big brother of ours, I’m going to send my real big brother silly nothing texts about times and places with and meetings with people named Abed just to throw Big Brother off.

Here are a few places to check up on the #bigbrotherbama stories in the news:

On NPR: ‘Nobody Is Listening To Your Telephone Calls,’ Obama Says

Big Brother And Your Phone: Where To Draw The Line? NPR Blog

On MSNBC: Back to Bush era? Liberals see Obama regressing


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