They converted me. I was a die-hard, “Duck Dynasty is stupid” person and somehow I changed my mind. It happened in my parents’ living room. My dad was watching his fifth episode of the day when I sat down in the chair. The episode was from season 1, “Duck No, We Won’t Go.” The premise is this: Willie, the CEO of the company, has decided to turn his employees (a few of whom are related to him) into true professionals. This means no monkey business and uniforms that slightly resemble what the guys wear at Jiffy Lube. The other guys hate the uniforms and start a strike. I forgot to mention that as part of Willie’s professionalism stunt, he got rid of the break room and the refrigerator with one of the employee’s ham sandwich. And so when the Duck guys create a riot outside of the warehouse, one of the guys has a sign that reads, “Give me my samitch.” And he really wants that samitch for lunch. The sign alone converted me. There is no such thing as a samitch, sir. But I do enjoy listening to you and your redneck colleagues. (You know, these guys are so redneck, that I’m pretty sure they don’t use the word colleagues because it would confuse them a bit.)
Near the end of the episode, it becomes evident that there are really two sides to the conflict. One is Willie, by himself. The other is Jase, backed by “the other guys.” Willie and Jase are brothers. Their mom gets involved. I recognized this. My mom was also a voice of reason and she often required that my siblings and I apologize to one another for whatever offense. They apologized and all was well. But the mom warned, “This is gonna set ‘em straight or I’m going to get the wooden spoon.” That’s a real threat. Every country mother knows that a wooden spoon threat is the ultimate weapon. My brother Ben knows a thing or two about that threat.
Yeah, I like Duck Dynasty. I’m sure I’m going to get annoyed and offended by their ridiculousness on occasion, but honestly, it’s hilarious. People are crazy. I love the crazy peeps from 30 Rock. I’m sure I could appreciate some Duck people.
Tata for now.