John Wayne is tall.

Have you ever seen While You Were Sleeping? It’s one of my mom and sister’s favorite movies. My family is a bit of a “movie family” meaning that instead of sitting around and playing board games when we were little, we spent more time watching movies together, not talking. Anyway, in While You Were Sleeping, the family is sitting around the table and the crazy family members start talking about random stuff. The lines my family parrots over and over include: “These mashed potatoes are so creamy.” “Merry mashed.” “Caesar Romero was tall.” And more. Well – another line is “John Wayne is tall.” Now why, you ask, am I sharing a bunch of silly lines from a holiday table scene of a 90s movie?

The truth is that since I came home for the holidays to visit my parents on Wednesday, my dad has been watching John Wayne movies non-stop. No joke. He’s watched Blue Steel, Randy Rides Alone, Hell Town, Sagebrush Trail, The Man from Utah, and The Lawless Frontier, to name a few. Apparently, at one point he told my mom that the John Wayne movies qualified as romantic comedies because John Wayne and his lady rode off into the sunset. She laughed. John Wayne movies are not romantic. In fact, as I told him earlier today, I find nothing romantic or sexy about a guy who wears a belt of bullets around his waist. This probably means that skater dudes with studded belts probably aren’t for me as well.

John Wayne – not my dream boat – though… to be honest… he looked pretty good in his early years.

The moral of this story, of course, is that whenever I plan to visit my parents, it’s important to have a plan B for activities and/or people to see in case my dad is on a Western movie kick. This weekend, I had grad school papers to write. But over Christmas… I’m not sure how I’m going to get out of forced John Wayne marathons. And for the record, even if the guy was tall… that doesn’t mean the movies are good, ya’ll.

Tata for now.



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