What does it take to heal? When you’ve had your heart broken, what will make your heart broken, how long does it take to mend? How long until you feel the life and breath inside you with the freshness and certainty that once was? When do you begin to feel whole again? When are you able to let go of that person that broke your heart?
I don’t know the answers. Does anyone really? It depends, right? It’s different for every person and every situation.
Here’s one thing I know from my experience – life can be rough. In fact, I would argue that life is usually rough. It’s not easy and it’s likely that in the process of one’s life, there will be many struggles. My life is a struggle pretty often these days. This isn’t because I can’t handle it or because I there’s too much, it’s because I chose to take a very tough though rewarding path to help advance my career: I came to grad school. And with grad school comes a lot of work, high expectations, and me. I can be my very best advocate, I can be my toughest critic, and I can be the person who holds me back. I’m a bit of a drama queen, not that I would let anyone ELSE tell me this. Those that know me well have seen me exacerbate a situation into a situation. What was a little thing can become quite a pickle when I’m left to my own devices. But that’s how I cope with stress. Is this helpful? No, of course not. It’s when I start to realize that I’m writing my own soap opera that I take a day to cope and heal.
Today is one of those healing days. A few people asked me what I was doing today or why I planned to take the whole day to go to Eugene by myself. I tried to explain. I planned to meet up with a few friends and then I planned to do what I liked… for a full day. Thus far, it’s been beautiful. I’ve gone to a bookstore, had a bunch of tea, taken time to sit and write, smile, and watch other people, and the day is really just beginning.
I know that life doesn’t often affort us the time or means to participate in healing days the way we might dream of them. A trip to Hawaii for a sunny day on the beach just ain’t gonna happen. Maybe some day, though. I think the healing days we need are whenever they’re necessary. Maybe we can’t leave our town to get away for the day, but maybe we can turn off our cell phones, get out of the house, and go for a walk in the sunshine. Maybe we need to walk down by the river and listen to the water. Maybe we just need to let go of our overbearing stress and enjoy life a little more so we can mend our hearts and souls. I sure need this anyway, and I’m so glad that I had today.
Tata for now.