Old married couples are just what they seem to be. They sit around in their old bathrobes, drink coffee, and talk about the weather. They also like to read to each other. Sometimes, they read out coupons to share what’s on sale. Other times, they read to one another from the newspaper about whatever the politicians or local schools are up to so they can reminisce about when things were better. Old couples wake up early and go to bed after they’ve finished watching their last television program of the night. When they go out for date nights, they go before six or they stay home. Six o’clock brings too many crowds and young people. When they go earlier, they can get their ideal booth and sit in peace until the restaurant clogs up with too many consumers. Old couples are stubborn. Their arguments are ridiculous. The big fights of their relationship have already come and gone, but when one of them giggles at the others’ pronunciation of a common word, they come to the brink of a divorce. Insults are serious when you’re old.
How do I, a young person, know so much about old married couples? Well, my parents fit the description and unlike many of my cool friends and neighbors, I’ve spent a few years in my adult life living with my parents in between the different adventures I’ve been on. Even now, whenever I need a break from life for a bit, I visit my parents. Two days with them shows me that I have much to do and accomplish because I don’t wear a bathrobe and talking about the weather never gets me far because I, for one, don’t have a concept of temperature.
When I get old, I’m not sure what I’ll be like. If I’m single, I fully plan on being a crotchety old lady with one angry cat to sick on the neighbor kids. If I’m coupled, I’m going to be the saucy old grandma with the inappropriate sense of humor that makes her grandkids and their partners blush when they come over.
Let’s be real. This is really what I want life as an old person to be like:
There’s only one thing I’m concerned about. How am I going to keep my skin tight so my tattoos won’t sag? #Yikes!
Tata for now.